Whole Chicken Adventure, Part 1

This is exactly what our Crockpot looks like.

Digikami and I are in the midst of an experiment. "I want to try cooking a chicken in the slow cooker," I said. I am currently obsessed with the Crockpot, and use it ALL THE TIME. (That last part was not a quote from the conversation, but might as well have been.) "Sounds like a plan," he said, "and by the way, here is this website where they used a whole chicken to eat for a week on $26." We made some plans, which involved scrapping every one of those people's recipes and subbing in our own, and went to the store to stock up. I forgot to save the receipt, so unfortunately the money side of our experiment will have to remain conjecture. I think it is safe to say that two people eating all of a chicken will be saving some money. And also might get totally sick of chicken and never want to eat it again. So on Wednesday at 8am, I put the water on for coffee, cut up some carrots and celery, and hacked an onion in to quarters. I ground the coffee beans, and cut the plastic from our 7 pound roasting chicken, let's call her Beatrice.


This is someone else's photo, but it represents the grace and beauty of our dear bird quite well.

It turns out that good old Beatrice was a pretty opinionated bird and was a little reluctant to relinquish her internal organs. I managed to convince her it was in her best interests to let go of the packet, but her retaliation was to remind me the hard way that there's quite a bit of bloody water inside a whole chicken. At this point, my kettle was screeching, so I washed my hands and poured the water into the French press. I finally got Beatrice cleaned up, plopped her in on top of the veggies, sprinkled her with salt and rosemary, and triumphantly put the lid on the Crockpot. Then I swore because 1) I hadn't had any coffee yet, which is a serious problem with Crockpot cooking that nobody ever warns you about, and 2) the chicken was sticking up out of the Crockpot and the lid wasn't on right. After a moment wafting delicious, life-giving coffee steam toward my nose, I proceeded to shove as many of the vegetables as would fit into the gaping body cavity of our honored guest. Equally triumphantly and significantly more successfully, I smacked the lid on, poured my coffee and ran off to work. Returning home at about 5:30, I was delighted to find that the apartment just smelled vaguely and pleasantly of chicken, not like the smothering, disgusting stench of cooking chicken broth, which, as you might have inferred, I don't like very much. "Well hello, Beatrice!" I said. Yes, I talk when there is no human around to hear me. DEAL WITH IT. "Let's see if you're done, shall we? Good thing I have this handy meat thermometer!" Ladies and gentlemen, chickens are done cooking when their internal temperature reaches 160 degrees F. Ideally, you take meat out/off of the heat source a little early so the residual heat finishes the cooking and it doesn't get too done. Well, upon jamming the probe into poor Beatrice, the reading shot up to 185. "Good heavens!" I think. (Or something similar, but quite possibly more profane.) "I'll just try a different part, maybe that was incorrect." My next reading being an instant 200, I decide it might be time to liberate Beatrice. There is a nifty trick in which you use the handle of a spoon stuck inside the bird to lift it, and I figure that would be my best bet for getting a really hot bird out of a really hot ceramic pot. I select my weapon of choice from the utensil pot, put it in the chicken, lift up, and promptly fling little bits of meat and grease up the side of the fridge. Turns out the only thing holding Beatrice together at that point was habit, and the spoon slipped right through, breaking the wishbone in the process. Beatrice wins again. Abandoning the spoon trick as a lost cause, I settle for grabbing a drumstick and pulling as gently as possible. A lot of cursing and splattering later, this is what our beautiful whole chicken looks like upon her emergence from the Crockpot:


Thank you, thank you. I know my culinary skills are truly inspiring.

I cover that mess with foil and shove it in the oven to get it out of the way. Then, because I am a good Midwestern girl at heart, I see the goo and think it should become gravy.



It is at about this point that Digikami gets home from work. He is much amused by the small glass full of chicken fat, and even more amused once I point him toward the mangled remains that we are going to call sustenance for the next week or so. He agrees to begin making stuffing. Relieved to be off the hook, I take a shower. When I return, Digikami is poking at some bread crumbs and muttering to himself. Now, while the latter may be a more or less common experience, the former isn't so much. "There's plastic in here," he tells me. One garbage can spelunking trip later, we determine that somehow part of the bread bag got mixed in during the process. I volunteer to pick it out.


Henry is supervising. Irony of ironies, there is an issue of Fine Cooking on the table.

Once the plastic was all mostly removed, dinner progressed nicely. The gravy was gelatinous and lumpy, but all in all, everything was quite successful! Somehow, despite cooking the chicken in a single pot, we managed to use every other dish in the entire kitchen in the 20 or so minutes leading up to eating, so the clean up was epic. Because my roommate is awesome, he did most of the washing up while I dismembered Beatrice. It was a highly educational anatomy lesson.


Except she was missing her head, neck and feet, of course. And had fallen into about a billion smaller pieces by this point.

At the risk of grossing you out even more, dear readers, the neatest part was the bit of spine, complete with spinal column. Yes, I was a little wigged out, but in that "oh man, that's so GROSSAWESOME!" way that is familiar to many of us from biology class.


The HUGE amount of meat is center. Veggies to the right in the bento. Sorry I didn't get a picture of the huge pile of bones!

I had planned to update you on each of our chicken meals, but 1) I think that would actually be pretty boring for you, and 2) I am kind of lazy, guys. Last night, we had curry. It was yummy! Tonight, we had fajitas. They were also yummy! We have leftovers of our leftovers (meta-leftovers?) and I am, so far, only a little bit sick of chicken. And now I would like for us all to raise our glasses to Beatrice, who didn't have any say in becoming our dinner, but whom we appreciate nonetheless!

Granola

So I've never posted a recipe on my blog before. I have no problem with recipe blogs, and in fact I read a few religiously. I just don't do it myself. But today, dear readers, I am going to share a recipe with you. This blog is sort of a cross-section of my life, right? And I cook A LOT. So it seems only logical. I took a random recipe as a starting point, but did my own thing. All measurements are approximate, especially the spices/seasoning. That part of the process basically went "Hm. Not enough cinnamon." "Hm, still kind of boring. What else is on this shelf?" .

4 cups oats (the regular kind, not quick)
1 cup nuts (I used walnut "baking pieces" because they're cheap. You could use whatever!)
1/2 cup flax seeds (I love them)
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1 1/2 cup dried fruit (I dumped in an entire bag of Trader Joe's "golden berry mix." I think it was about a cup and a half...Welcome to my cooking process! Dump dump dump!)
3/4 cup sweet stuff (I used not quite a full 3/4 cup of agave nectar, and topped it off with molasses for fun. The molasses gave it a little bit of a bitter flavor I'm not sure I like)
1/2 cup butter
2 1/2 tsp cinnamon (would use more)
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp vanilla (not sure this made any difference. probably optional)
1/4 tsp salt

1. Mix oats, nuts, fruit in a bowl.
2. Melt butter in a saucepan. Add sweet stuff, spices, and vanilla. Boil for about a minute.
3. Pour this mixture over the dry stuff and mix well. If you're me, at this point you start tasting it and throwing in whatever you feel like.
4. Put in a 300f degree oven. Stir every 10 minutes until it is all golden brown and a bit dried out. Don't over cook it like I did.

Do your own thing and experiment. As long as you come back and share your improvements!

State of the Union

Rather than updating my facebook status every 5 seconds, I am going to just put my reflections and snarkiness about the State of the Union address here instead. Let's not call it live-blogging though. Because...I mean as opposed to what? Dead-blogging? In fact, let's call this a loose conglomeration of my thoughts during the speech, sorted out and embellished after the fact. Is there a name for that?

Consider yourselves warned, this entry turned out to be really freaking long.

Ok, first of all, it should come as no surprise to you, dear readers, that I am a big fan of OHSNAP moments. For instance."voters are frustrated and angry because Washington has been unable or unwilling to solve our problems. They're tired of partisanship and yelling." Congress got told.

Sometimes, politics makes me angry:
How does he stand up there and resist the urge to say "you fucking hypocrites. You applaud me on issues you've fought me on and will fight me on for as long as you draw breath."

I found it awkward that the camera closed in on Geithner as he spoke about taking money back from the banks. The poor man sort of got his ass handed to him in hearings today, and then they went and zoomed in on him as if to say "See this guy? It's HIS problem the president is talking about."

First standing ovation of the night: Take money back from the banks. Ok, it's probably a good idea. Still, isn't it kind of vindictive for that to be the first thing worthy of standing?

The president talks about tax cuts, and is met by stony silence from his left side. But the best thing was? Another OHSNAP! Way to call the Republicans on being hypocrites! "We only like the tax cuts we like, and not the ones you make!" I loved that he not only called them on it in the heat of the moment, but that he also did it with some amount of grace and humor. It sort of needed to be said, but he did it in a way that invited them to laugh at themselves. Does that change anyone's mind? Of course not. But it doesn't drive a deeper wedge between the sides. And we need more of that. Even if we just maintain the status quo of the existing wedges. Or wedgies.

It seems to me he is looking to his right disproportionately. I suppose it's understandable that he is looking to his supporters, but perhaps it would be better to cheat toward the people whose support he needs to win rather than the support he already has. I'm not sure if it's that noticeable if you're not looking for it, but I think that's the kind of thing you pick up on subconsciously at least. He needs to make them feel less like "them" and more like "us" and not looking over there isn't a good step in that direction.

Do you think the Republicans' clear lack of respectful support will only make them look more partisan? Or perhaps it's indicative of the fact that he's really giving more of a campaign speech right now, than a state of the union. (This was during his lead in to his discussion of businesses and jobs, a portion that understandably had them on edge)

Shout out to Elyria! What what! He was just there last week, and I'm glad to see it made an impression on him. Last time I was there was before the recession, and even then it was a striking example of the poverty and decline of the rust belt. I can only imagine what it must be like right now.

Everyone, including the "evil" Republicans, like the idea of building infrastructure, promoting green jobs, etc.. Yet I wonder, where does the money come from? I wouldn't have expected them to support spending projects by applauding before he even addressed the issue of funding.

Patriotism has its place, and if not in the State of the Union, then where? But that bit about not accepting second place for the US on the world stage was a touch heavy handed. My mom used to say "why does America have to be first, when it could just be great?"

Ah, luckily, we can all unite against the lobbyists. Everybody needs a common enemy. But maybe not a common enemy our politicians only hate in public...

Obama mentions nuclear power plants, and the whole room erupts. Surprising to me, as I didn't realize nuclear power plants had such widespread appeal right now. Interesting.

They are standing up every 5 seconds right now. Why even bother to sit down?

How can the Right sit there unashamed to be SO OBVIOUS that they don't support clean energy. I want to punch all of them.

My translation of his appeal to global warming skeptics: "I understand that some people are morons who don't believe in science. But look, even if you're a moron, it makes more sense to create jobs somehow, right? So just go with me on this one."

What? Education? Why would that matter in an increasingly competitive knowledge based world? This guy is such a misguided idealogue.

Oh, I see even the Right deigns to stand up for education. Maybe it was just time for them to stretch their legs. It's interesting to me that everyone applauds when the president says "such and such is important" and fewer do when he says "such and such requires reform (or attention or work etc)." And I know I'm being hard on the Republicans here, but it's not just they who are doing that. (I'm being hard on them because incredibly detailed and nuanced arguments get boiled down in this setting to "stand up" or "sit down." It looks bad, but in a lot of ways I can't blame them. You can't abstain from standing or sitting in this situation.)

You know this man can still give a speech. He's good at it. Where has he been for so long? Why aren't his routine addresses news? Do people tune in for his fireside chats? If more of us paid attention, would more of us understand what's going on in this country? On one level, that's an incredibly stupid question, but on a different, more tragic level, it's one that needs to be asked.

So this health care segment is likely the most important part of the speech tonight. He really needs to get the fire lit under the asses of the people on both sides who have gotten so caught up in the challenges and the politicking and have lost sight of the whole point of reform. I think he's doing it, but I'm the choir he's preaching to. I am just worried that so many people who oppose him for any number of reasons of varying validity and sanity won't stop to listen to what he's saying and will only hear a man they don't like talking about something they don't understand.

When he entered his section on the budget, he was trying to reinforce how things are, how they were, and to try to strip away some of the hype and spin. I think he needs to do that, but at the same time I hope it doesn't come across as buck-passing though, when he says "before I even walked in the door."

Ok, so I previously established that I like OHSNAP moments. HOWEVER, it only works when he OHSNAPs all of congress, not just the republicans. It's uncomfortable and counterproductive when he singles them out as the roadblocks. Because it's never quite that simple.

One of my favorite quotes: "I will not give up on changing the tone of our politics. I know it’s an election year. And after last week, it is clear that campaign fever has come even earlier than usual. But we still need to govern." With one sentence fragment, he reminds us that government has the word govern in it. Duh. And yet, it made me sit up and think. It's moments like that that make me say "damn, he gives a fine speech" even if he's just unnecessarily lambasted the republicans a few minutes ago.

And speaking of lambasting..."And if the Republican leadership is going to insist that sixty votes in the Senate are required to do any business at all in this town, then the responsibility to govern is now yours as well. Just saying no to everything may be good short-term politics, but it’s not leadership. We were sent here to serve our citizens, not our ambitions. So let’s show the American people that we can do it together." This is a man with good ideas and a command of rhetoric. (And a good speech writer, I'm sure)

This has now become much more of an address TO CONGRESS. About congress and what it needs to do. It took me years to realize that was technically what this speech was, and he makes it obvious. I, at least, am more used to this speech being an address to the people, about the country. But I think this year, we needed to see that SOMEONE in Washington is at least aware of the frustrations that are building up. Obama is popular or unpopular on his own (de)merits, but he is also a lightning rod for all the anger that is rightfully directed at congress. He's one man we can point and say "why aren't you fixing this!?" even while we rationally know there's only so much he can do.

We elected him to be a father figure. Why don't we ever see him any more?

I guess I just got bored because I was wondering how many people in that room right now aren't wearing underpants.

When he talked about Don't ask don't tell, both my chat-buddy and I noticed the military people in the front didn't stand. The justices also don't stand, and I think that makes sense. I don't know if the military views this the same way, but it makes sense to me that they would try to remain as apolitical as possible by uniformly (ha!) staying seated.

In conclusion: I know it's rhetoric, but it's good rhetoric. Why CAN'T we let him inspire us to hope?

Brief Epilogue from the Republican response:

We don't want rhetoric over results. WTF?! This is like saying we don't want oranges instead of jeeps. Why can't you have an orange in your freaking jeep! Particularly when the Governor of Virginia clearly has a pretty keen grasp of oranges himself.

And finally, he wants us to leave this nation a better place than we found it. Is the country a national park or what.

Final thoughts:
OHSNAP: Good
Justice Ginsberg's Death Glare: TERRIFYING
Not wearing underpants to the state of the union: Neutral

Morbidity (or) The Uselessness of "If there is anything I can do..."

This time of year I think about my mom, who died three years ago this month. Now that there's finally snow on the ground, it feels like December. Also, an older friend of the family passed away last week after a long illness, so my mind is on death this morning. I have a whole rant about how that isn't a bad thing, and how messed up our society's relationship is with death. But today, I'll just offer a reflection. It comes as a word of advice to people who know someone who is dealing with grief: Stop asking questions. Trust me, we are asking enough questions as it is, and while we appreciate your offers of help, we don't want to deal with more questions. Don't ask if someone wants you to make them dinner, just do it. Don't ask if someone wants company, just come over. If they don't want you there, you'll be able to tell. If they don't, don't ask if you should leave, just do it. While I really believe that everyone who offered to do things for me when my mom died meant well, I didn't know what I needed, and I didn't feel comfortable saying "actually, if you could make me a nice casserole that would be great, thanks." And I don't mean to be offensive, but if you just offer and never do anything, while it may be making you feel better, it doesn't help the person grieving. Yes, knowing that people are around is nice. Offers of support are touching and helpful. But only to a point. A brutal assessment, perhaps, but that was certainly my personal experience. So if you know someone dealing with a loss, just bake them cookies. Buy them a copy of Cosmo. Show up at their door with a box of tissues. And above all, listen to what they AREN'T saying. Just because a person died doesn't change the fact that your friend is still your friend. Presumably you know your friend. Just be sensitive and proactive. It's honestly not that hard, I promise.

On Gaming (or) Are All Time-Sucks Created Equal?

My roommate has almost every game system known to mankind. From NES to PS3, the only things glaringly absent are Sega systems. I had an SNES that my grandmother got for us because she had one and I loved it so much when we went to visit. The only games she had were Super Mario World, Jeopardy, and Lagoon, the latter being a pretty spectacularly boring top-view game. Those friends who knew Grandma had an SNES thought it was amazing and very funny, especially when it came to the fact that she was the one who beat the hard levels for me. My mom did the fortresses. The only games I ever had were Super Mario World (really, this game is hard to beat in its awesomeness) Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island, Yoshi's Cookie, and Clue. In college, I was introduced to my roommates' N64, PS and PS2. (They played Final Fantasy. A lot. And I can't blame them). But now, living with every game system known to mankind, including Famicom, I'm exposed to all manner of games I never even knew existed. And since TRoommate knows all kinds of things about video games, I've been motivated to become aware of the video game world in a way I never really was before.

The thing that I'm learning is that there is an incredible diversity of games out there. This should come as no surprise to anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past two decades, and indeed it really wasn't a surprise to me either. But I think one has to pause and be impressed. I was clearly raised in an environment that didn't see anything wrong with electronic entertainment, be it TV, movie or game. But I grew up in a time when I was very aware of the knee-jerk reaction of many people to the "brain rotting" horrors the perpetrated on unsuspecting young children. As I learn more and more about the games that are available now, many of them as well thought-out and creative as they are beautifully rendered, I can't help but wonder, as I often have, what all the fuss is really about. I like to think I am a fairly responsible person, who is intelligent and has high standards for entertainment. I want something fun, but also something smart. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I have found myself so captivated by a video game that my real world obligations have suffered. To wit, I spent 70 hours this fall playing Twilight Princess, and my thesis still isn't completed. Am I proud of this? Not really, no. But my thesis likely wouldn't have been completed anyway. And I generally feel life is too short to avoid doing things you really want to do. The thing I don't get about the "Oh no! Video games are destroying our youth!" argument, as well reasoned as it sometimes is, is that it never takes into consideration the fact that ANYTHING that distracts kids (or young adults) from their obligations has the same effect. It seems to me the thinking that supports the stigma associated with video gaming just isn't well reasoned. The major arguments against video games, as I understand them, are that because of them 1. people avoid social contact, 2. people zone out and don't engage with the real world, 3. people do not meet responsibilities and expectations. Are these true? In some situations, absolutely. Are they generally negative? Sure. But doesn't reading books for pleasure have the same effects? Some games force you to solve puzzles to advance the plot. Isn't that even more engaging that just laying a story out? (Obviously, some books are better than others, just as some games are better than others) Don't get me wrong, I love to read. I love books, I always have and I always will. To me, there's something more personal about reading a story as opposed to watching it unfold. But a well-designed game has that feel to me, too. Yet I've never heard anyone say books will rot my brain.

Random Saturday Morning Thoughts

It's Saturday morning, and I'm behind schedule to leave to visit friends in Western Mass. But it's SATURDAY and they're understanding, so I'm just not going to be uptight. So there! Anyway, I figured it was time for another round of Pet Peeves!

1. Singers who, in a drama, sing to the audience more than they sing to their love interest on stage. "Park and bark" is not really a complimentary term.

2. Apartments the temperatures of which cannot be controlled.

3. People who don't cover their mouths when they cough on the T. I'm waiting for public opinion to change on this, because you'd think this season especially there would be more awareness of germ spreading. I wasn't the only one glaring at him, but I only had one other ally.

But to balance that out, here are some things that I like:
1. Intelligent discussions with intelligent people. Also, playing the Devil's advocate.

2. Handel.

3. Visiting friends.

4. Tater tots.

Change

This time of year used to be my favorite. I loved going back to school, I loved the colors, I loved bundling up against the cold and finally not having to worry about sunburns. I loved chilly evenings inside by the fireplace, or just sitting on the couch watching TV. I loved walking home from school, doing my homework wrapped up in a blanket by an open window. I don't love this time of year anymore. I'm not sure when it happened, or how. Now, the chill just feels hostile. Rather than feeling like an arrival after a long slog through the brutal summer heat, this season is now a harbinger of the coming winter. Just thinking of it makes me want to move South. Thinking of darkness at 4:30pm makes me want to move back West. I never used to like summer. Now I can't stand to see it go.