Morbidity (or) The Uselessness of "If there is anything I can do..."

This time of year I think about my mom, who died three years ago this month. Now that there's finally snow on the ground, it feels like December. Also, an older friend of the family passed away last week after a long illness, so my mind is on death this morning. I have a whole rant about how that isn't a bad thing, and how messed up our society's relationship is with death. But today, I'll just offer a reflection. It comes as a word of advice to people who know someone who is dealing with grief: Stop asking questions. Trust me, we are asking enough questions as it is, and while we appreciate your offers of help, we don't want to deal with more questions. Don't ask if someone wants you to make them dinner, just do it. Don't ask if someone wants company, just come over. If they don't want you there, you'll be able to tell. If they don't, don't ask if you should leave, just do it. While I really believe that everyone who offered to do things for me when my mom died meant well, I didn't know what I needed, and I didn't feel comfortable saying "actually, if you could make me a nice casserole that would be great, thanks." And I don't mean to be offensive, but if you just offer and never do anything, while it may be making you feel better, it doesn't help the person grieving. Yes, knowing that people are around is nice. Offers of support are touching and helpful. But only to a point. A brutal assessment, perhaps, but that was certainly my personal experience. So if you know someone dealing with a loss, just bake them cookies. Buy them a copy of Cosmo. Show up at their door with a box of tissues. And above all, listen to what they AREN'T saying. Just because a person died doesn't change the fact that your friend is still your friend. Presumably you know your friend. Just be sensitive and proactive. It's honestly not that hard, I promise.

On Gaming (or) Are All Time-Sucks Created Equal?

My roommate has almost every game system known to mankind. From NES to PS3, the only things glaringly absent are Sega systems. I had an SNES that my grandmother got for us because she had one and I loved it so much when we went to visit. The only games she had were Super Mario World, Jeopardy, and Lagoon, the latter being a pretty spectacularly boring top-view game. Those friends who knew Grandma had an SNES thought it was amazing and very funny, especially when it came to the fact that she was the one who beat the hard levels for me. My mom did the fortresses. The only games I ever had were Super Mario World (really, this game is hard to beat in its awesomeness) Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island, Yoshi's Cookie, and Clue. In college, I was introduced to my roommates' N64, PS and PS2. (They played Final Fantasy. A lot. And I can't blame them). But now, living with every game system known to mankind, including Famicom, I'm exposed to all manner of games I never even knew existed. And since TRoommate knows all kinds of things about video games, I've been motivated to become aware of the video game world in a way I never really was before.

The thing that I'm learning is that there is an incredible diversity of games out there. This should come as no surprise to anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past two decades, and indeed it really wasn't a surprise to me either. But I think one has to pause and be impressed. I was clearly raised in an environment that didn't see anything wrong with electronic entertainment, be it TV, movie or game. But I grew up in a time when I was very aware of the knee-jerk reaction of many people to the "brain rotting" horrors the perpetrated on unsuspecting young children. As I learn more and more about the games that are available now, many of them as well thought-out and creative as they are beautifully rendered, I can't help but wonder, as I often have, what all the fuss is really about. I like to think I am a fairly responsible person, who is intelligent and has high standards for entertainment. I want something fun, but also something smart. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I have found myself so captivated by a video game that my real world obligations have suffered. To wit, I spent 70 hours this fall playing Twilight Princess, and my thesis still isn't completed. Am I proud of this? Not really, no. But my thesis likely wouldn't have been completed anyway. And I generally feel life is too short to avoid doing things you really want to do. The thing I don't get about the "Oh no! Video games are destroying our youth!" argument, as well reasoned as it sometimes is, is that it never takes into consideration the fact that ANYTHING that distracts kids (or young adults) from their obligations has the same effect. It seems to me the thinking that supports the stigma associated with video gaming just isn't well reasoned. The major arguments against video games, as I understand them, are that because of them 1. people avoid social contact, 2. people zone out and don't engage with the real world, 3. people do not meet responsibilities and expectations. Are these true? In some situations, absolutely. Are they generally negative? Sure. But doesn't reading books for pleasure have the same effects? Some games force you to solve puzzles to advance the plot. Isn't that even more engaging that just laying a story out? (Obviously, some books are better than others, just as some games are better than others) Don't get me wrong, I love to read. I love books, I always have and I always will. To me, there's something more personal about reading a story as opposed to watching it unfold. But a well-designed game has that feel to me, too. Yet I've never heard anyone say books will rot my brain.

Random Saturday Morning Thoughts

It's Saturday morning, and I'm behind schedule to leave to visit friends in Western Mass. But it's SATURDAY and they're understanding, so I'm just not going to be uptight. So there! Anyway, I figured it was time for another round of Pet Peeves!

1. Singers who, in a drama, sing to the audience more than they sing to their love interest on stage. "Park and bark" is not really a complimentary term.

2. Apartments the temperatures of which cannot be controlled.

3. People who don't cover their mouths when they cough on the T. I'm waiting for public opinion to change on this, because you'd think this season especially there would be more awareness of germ spreading. I wasn't the only one glaring at him, but I only had one other ally.

But to balance that out, here are some things that I like:
1. Intelligent discussions with intelligent people. Also, playing the Devil's advocate.

2. Handel.

3. Visiting friends.

4. Tater tots.

Change

This time of year used to be my favorite. I loved going back to school, I loved the colors, I loved bundling up against the cold and finally not having to worry about sunburns. I loved chilly evenings inside by the fireplace, or just sitting on the couch watching TV. I loved walking home from school, doing my homework wrapped up in a blanket by an open window. I don't love this time of year anymore. I'm not sure when it happened, or how. Now, the chill just feels hostile. Rather than feeling like an arrival after a long slog through the brutal summer heat, this season is now a harbinger of the coming winter. Just thinking of it makes me want to move South. Thinking of darkness at 4:30pm makes me want to move back West. I never used to like summer. Now I can't stand to see it go.

Eulogy (or) This is why we read

Yoinked from Aphaeresis, as many of my more interesting topics often are. I think think this is especially appropriate given the recent cancellation of Reading Rainbow, a show that "teaches kids the why of reading, not the how." There was a short-lived rash of memes going around that were "Name 15 (books, movies, pieces of music, songs, etc.) that made a difference in your life." I don't think I ever bit and did one of those, because while they're always a little tempting, they're also very hard. Aphy (can I call you, Aphy?) points out that part of the problem is that we expect the book to change us, to make us better or smarter, rather than taking it for what it is, and letting it become a part of us. I think for the most part, she's talking about fiction and so am I. Nothing wrong with non-fiction, but I like to lose myself in book, and it's harder to do that with one that's reflecting the real world back at you. The meme Aphy completed is 15 books that have stayed with you, and, like her, I think that's a lot closer to the mark. At least as far as my own relationship with books is concerned. I fall in love with books. Happy endings and sad endings alike tend to make my eyes prickle, sometimes for the content, but often for the simple knowledge that my relationship with this story and these characters is ending. To Aphy's explanation of why this meme makes more sense, I would like to add only one thing. A meme that asks us to name books that have "made a difference" is making a complicated demand. Are these books we liked(whatever that means)? Books that we feel made us a better person(whatever that means)? Books that we feel we should have liked or should have made us better? Will people assume we've gone crazy if we admit that some piece of drivel by Anne Coulter made us think differently about an issue? How can we even be comfortable putting works of fiction on a list that has all that baggage? Can even something as epic as Lord of the Rings be said to have "made a difference"? Well, probably, but I think you get my point. So here are 15 books that have stuck with me. Many of them I read over and over. A couple of them keep cropping up in conversation. One of them changed the way I think about food, and that's the only non-fiction on my list. I'm still in love with Ender Wiggin. A couple of these books ravished me, leaving me exhausted and feeling as though I would never find another story so profound. And some of them made me think hard about the world we live in. I recommend them all, and welcome lists of your own, comments on my own list, or your thoughts on what books do to us.

(In no particular order)
1. Kushiel's Avatar- Jacqueline Carey
2. Kushiel's Dart- Jacqueline Carey
3. The Handmaid's Tale- Margaret Atwood
4. Lord of the Flies- William Golding
5. World War Z- Max Brooks
6. The Lord of the Rings- J.R.R.T.
7. In Defense of Food- Michael Pollan
8. Book of a Thousand Days- Shannon Hale
9-12. Ender's Game, Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, Children of the Mind- Orson Scott Card
13. Empire- Orson Scott Card
14. Christina Katerina and the Box- Patricia Lee Gauch
15. A Swiftly Tilting Planet- Madeline L'Engle

In My Ears

To the handful of you that actually read this, I'm sorry for the lack of posts. It's just been a pretty typical summer, so not much to write home about. Things will pick up soon, I'm sure. For now:

I settled in for some hardcore house cleaning this morning, in anticipation of the move on Tuesday, feeling a little unmotivated and reluctant. I like bringing order from chaos, but scrubbing toilets and sweeping up cat hair dust-bunnies buffaloes isn't really something I relish. But I grabbed my iPod, put it on shuffle, and hopped to. The little guy came up with a great cleaning playlist, and suddenly I feel much better about cleaning! Good job, iPod!

Everything in Its Right Place- Radiohead
Bats in the Belfry- Dispatch
Punch Up at a Wedding- Radiohead
Since U Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson (Yes, I like Kelly Clarkson. Deal with it.)
Walk Away- Franz Ferdinand
Comissioning a Symphony in C- Cake
So Happy Together- Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Annie Waits- Ben Folds
Wonderboy- Tenacious D
Feels So Good- Van Halen
Superheroes- Daft Punk
Drinking With You- Jonathan Coulton
Jigsaw Falling into Place- Radiohead
Flavor of the Weak- American Hi-Fi
Even- Dispatch
Change- Good Charlotte
All the Same- Queens of the Stoneage

This is almost enough to reillusion my disillusionment with Apple. Not quite. But we'll see if this keeps up.

Star Trek by the Numbers (or) Brief Reflections on an Excellent Movie

Rambaldi Devices: 1
Black holes created: 3
Red Shirts Killed: 2+
Warp cores ejected: 1
Wordless choruses: too many to count
Starfleet Regulations Flouted in Pursuit of Higher Goals or Personal Feelings: see "wordless choruses"
Spocks: 2

PSA

The computer that has had to get sent to HP over and over for various problems is now going to cost me $732.90 to repair. I am very sorry ever to have bought a computer from this company. Please tell your friends that as much of a value as their computers may appear to be, they aren't worth it.

Computer Update

Lappy gets to go on another adventure to the HP Service Center! But, as Banita-the-online-service-rep correctly points out, "the best thing that the system is in the warranty and you no need to pay for the repair." So it's like an all expenses paid vacation, just without the fun. Hopefully they won't reformat poor Lappy this time.

Addendum: Banita also told me "I am creating service ticket it will take a time so please be online. [Pause] When I am creating a service you can have a coffee."

The Trials and Tribulations of my HP Pavilion dv6000

This morning, I woke up, rolled over, grabbed my computer and opened it as usual. Today, however, I soon realized it was time for another of my periodic go-arounds with HP Customer Support. I got the computer in late summer 2006. It made it until the following May which is when, if I remember correctly, the wireless card failed. Turns out it was recalled, so that was an easy enough fix, once the person on the other end of the phone finally discovered that particular bit of information about an hour after we began our conversation. In July, the battery stopped holding a charge for more than 15 minutes at a time. That particular service interaction took literally hours on the phone, over several days. It began via simple email, before I realized the battery had actually failed. The following email sent to them approximately two weeks after the initial email should sum things up:

Hello,
I am writing because of excessive problems with this service order. After the confusion that resulted in my not receiving the call as stated in the emails here attached, there were further problems. First, I never received a confirmation email that my replacement product was being sent. On Wednesday 30 July, a package arrived at my house addressed to Vickki Schuler. As this is clearly not me, I did not accept the package. On Saturday, I became concerned that I had heard nothing from HP regarding my order status, so I went online and checked my order. Imagine my surprise when not only did I find that the order was in fact in the name of Vickki Schuler whoever she may be, but that FedEx tracking claimed the box had been successfully delivered on Thursday 31 July. I have no idea if it was ultimately delivered to the wrong address or not. All I can say is that I never received a box from HP containing my replacement battery. After this discovery, I called HP Customer Service, with whom I sat on the phone for nearly two hours. I explained my problem no fewer than four times, and was transferred repeatedly. At one point, one woman gave me the number of the HP Home and Home Office center and told me to disconnect and call them. Thought I was somewhat dubious, I did, only to have the representative there confirm that there was nothing that particular department could do to help me with my customer service problem. I was transferred back to customer service, where I was transferred around a few more times. Ultimately, I spoke to a very helpful man who took my information and said he had made notes on my order. He said that someone would be looking into my problem and that I would receive an email from someone regarding my problem. It has been five days and I have yet to hear a single thing. I would appreciate knowing what exactly is going on to remedy this for me. I am still waiting for a replacement for my faulty product that is under warranty, and because of that, I cannot possibly send the faulty product back to you. I do not want to find myself expected to pay for a product that never arrived because someone put the wrong name (and the wrong email address and phone number) on my order. Thank you for your help in this matter, I look forward to hearing from you.

Just under a month after that process began, I had a lovely new battery. In December, my computer stopped being able to locate wireless networks. I chatted online with a helpful person who said the computer needed to be sent for repairs, and that he was having a box sent to me for that purpose, at the address I had just given him. Several days later, I contacted them to see where my box was, only to discover that they were "waiting for me to get back to them with contact information." Long story short, my computer came back with a reformatted hard drive. Now, my computer can't find wireless networks again, and in fact doesn't believe it has a wireless card installed. Poor computer. You help me understand what it must be like to know someone with Alzheimer's. My online chat today was fairly helpful, although I haven't had a chance to do the fixes yet. I was told twice in no uncertain terms that I really should have initiated the chat from another machine so "we" could perform the fixes live. Twice, despite having apologized for only having one computer. This lovely helpful individual also instructed me to 1. take screw driver, 2. open computer, 3. "remove and replace wireless card." But on the bright side she was "sure that these steps would solve the problem," and graciously told me that "Even though if you still face the issue after performing the steps please get back to us. We are here to help you all the time." Wish me luck.

Dies Irae?

I am feeling judgmental today. It is only 10 o'clock, and here are some things I've judged so far:

1. People who talk on the phone while their young children sit bored next to them. Pay attention to your child! You made her, show her you meant to!

2. Realtors who can't write English. I get that it's a really hard language, but these are standard questions in your industry that you'd think you'd get the hang of. Can you tell me what month do you like move-in? No. No, I cannot.

3. People who put way too much cream and sugar in their coffee. Why even drink coffee at that point?

4. Women through whose thighs one can see daylight. EAT A DAMN SANDWICH!

Conspiracy

Z and I have been scheming again. You'd think we'd do it all the time, but we don't actually. Last time we conspired, the net result was birdseed floating in a jar in the fountain outside of Finney, about a hundred little flags on neon paper, and a fake squirrel spray painted white, photographed being injected by a tattoo artist in latex gloves. Ah, the good old days. Now, we're hoping for something a little more...related to our chosen careers. We are starting a gamba consort, something a little different that your ordinary boring group that plays only esoteric fantasias. We're really excited, so stay tuned for more information, pleas for services, and concert information.

Two Vignettes from my Life

I've been sorting old papers this afternoon, and here are two glimpses into my life in the past year. One is on a folded piece of paper I found shoved in the back of a binder: (verbatim)
Want MA!
What required for finishing it? <--both
Don't want to leave grumpy
Appreciate him

Call J

Now what?

Change temp 25oF or so, will take longer in oven

---------------------------
On a page in a notebook, something I jotted down in a moment of observation of the absurdity of life:
A beautiful Asian girl, a young arsty type. Torn-neck t-shirt is hanging off her left shoulder, showing a light purple bra strap. With an intense look on her face, she's running down Comm Ave very quickly, carrying an oversize bright blue whoopie cushion.

On Zombies and Vampires

I subscribe to Time Magazine. When I was in high school, it was the one magazine I read religiously (let's forget I ever got Seventeen, shall we?). Leading up the last fall's election, I decided I wanted to be in the loop again, and took to ever so adult-feeling step of purchasing my first ever magazine subscription. And now every week, I get a dose of generally well-written commentary on everything from politics and economy to...zombies? Yes, dear readers, zombies are making a comeback! As the article points out, "for the past few years, vampires have been the It monster," and mentions Twilight as an example (but not Buffy or any other, better constructed vampire stories). The author, Lev Grossman, says "It's not easy to put your finger on what's appealing about zombies. [Vampires] are good looking and sophisticated and well dressed...You can imagine wanting to be a vampire, or at least wanting to sleep with one." I'm not ashamed to admit harboring some latent desire to live forever and change into a bat, although I like sunlight a little too much to make that dream a reality. The sexiness often inherent in vampire mythology, despite their brutal and predatory natures (or perhaps because of them), just really doesn't apply to zombies. As Grossman astutely points out, "Nobody wants to sleep with zombies."
He then proceeds with a lengthy and rather labored discussion of zombie-popularity as somehow representative of various themes in today's society. In fact, this discussion is pretty creative! And obviously tongue in cheek, of course. But the zombie as personifying American resilience ("You can cut off his limbs and he'll keep on coming atcha"), or as "biodegradable, locally sourced and sustainable" avoids answering the tantalizing question the author brings up in passing. If vampires are, as he claims, obviously appealing, what is it about zombies that piques our interest? As I'm sure you guessed, dear reader, I have a theory. I think that the appeal of vampires is personal and individual. We dream of placing ourselves within the story of someone who can see the changing ages of humanity, of someone with nearly infinite power and no need to fear the (metaphorical or actual) darkness. Or we dream of being a lowly human who is stronger even than those monsters, the lone hunter who can single-handedly save humanity. With zombies, though, individual acts of heroism exist, but at least as I see it, are played down in comparison. Sure, if you can kill 100 zombies with a single machete, I want you in my mall and on my side. I would consider you a hero, etc etc. But while the vampire myth's appeal lies in the sudden conferral of super-human abilities on the few, the zombie myth in fact removes normal human abilities from the many. We don't identify with the monsters, but with the ordinary people who are suddenly their own last, best hopes. The zombie apocalypse empowers us to imagine how we ourselves would perform under the ultimate pressure. Faced with success or extinction, we see in the thought experiments of zombie stories how humanity, and by extension our individual selves, thrive or perish by fighting and fleeing, allying and abandoning. In this way, it's almost unfair to compare vampires and zombies, since zombies are often just a vehicle for the personal and societal commentary of any good post-apocalyptic tale. Still, I've got to agree with Grossman on the point that zombies are pretty prevalent these days. I say, bring 'em on! Just let me go get my machete.

Still here!

Major events of the last few weeks:
1. Played a gig like a real professional musician at a church outside of Boston. It was fun, and hopefully I'll be asked back in the future. Side benefit: learned yet again how it isn't just a myth that practicing helps your intonation. Good to know.
2. Played in Roommate's pick-up concert of angsty early German music for viols and voices. It was lots of fun! In an angsty way. There were both cheese and wine after, which I feel is the signature of an excellent concert.
3. Planned going away cocktail-party-ish gathering to see Digikami and Stiney off on their Japan adventure. Not only did I manage to get everything ready at the same time, I also managed to produce a few things for a new friend with some interesting dietary restrictions. I could have done better at that, but I'm learning, and enjoying the challenge. (REALLY!)
4. Learned the time difference between Boston and Japan (13 hours).
5. Went to a Passover seder, and a Good Friday service. I'll leave you to guess which one was nearly 2 hours long and left me starving.
6. Prepared and submitted an application for a scholarship that will hopefully make my summer plans a little more...possible. This process included spending 6+ hours on Saturday practicing and recording myself for an audition CD. Many thanks to my juggling friends for being excellent and unexpected practice buddies.
7. Finished and mailed my taxes!

The next few weeks are going to be busy, but worth it. And the the summer will be several more months of a similar pattern.

p.s. 10 points if you figure out what the picture is (n.b. found on the internet, not drawn by me)

The Idiocy of BU Knows No Bounds

This morning I am at work. The second section of beautiful (read: EXPENSIVE) practice rooms is scheduled to open today. (The fact that it was originally scheduled to open a week ago almost doesn't need saying) The revolving door (Inside. In a basement. With a voice that talks to you when you enter it. Which cost more than some houses.) is not yet activated to allow students access. I am supposed to take new stands from our storage closet and place them in the new practice rooms that are opening up today. I am then to go to the last section of old rooms, move the chairs to the new rooms and remove the old stands to join the general circulation stands that live upstairs. This sounds sensible and straightforward. However, there is always a catch with BU, and this situation doesn't disappoint. There is now a panel of drywall in the center of the large doorway that is the only way into the old rooms. It doesn't fully block access as there is space on either side, but it is too narrow to accomodate a stand or chair rack. Furthermore, there is now a door, locked and bearing an "authorized personnel only" sign, blocking the hallway that leads to the storage room. Now I can't even get the stands in the first place. The cherry on top is that they're not activating the revolving door to enable full student access until this project is done. Welcome to BU everyone!

p.s. The picture is in no way related to this post.
p.p.s. It turned out that the revolving door was malfunctioning anyway. Raise your hand if you're surprised.

No cacti past the mesa on I-17

Spending spring break in a place that has sun is a pretty good idea, it turns out. Roommate and I went on a sub-spring-break-trip yesterday, from Scottsdale where my grandparents live up to the Grand Canyon. It is still really huge. It is still really beautiful. And it is still really silent. We came back from the Canyon via 89A to Sedona, aka the road that goes along the inside of Oak Creek Canyon. It is incredible, and a little terrifying when you're not the one in control of the car. The fabled red rocks are fabled for a reason, and the whole valley/area is amazing. I wouldn't say I was touched by the mystical power of the vortices, but it is definitely a place I wish we could have spent more time. Perhaps it is the sheer size of the Grand Canyon that makes it so difficult to comprehend. Perhaps it's that so many photos of it look like so many other photos of it. Perhaps it's that it is completely and eerily silent. Perhaps it's just that I twisted my ankle badly on a trail that was making me nervous anyway. Whatever it is, somehow I feel as though my relationship with the old GC has come to an amicable but inevitable parting of the ways. On my next trip west, it will be to Sedona that I turn.

Be my valentine?

Thanks to TextTwist, I now know that "dating" and "dangit" are more closely related than previously thought.

On Outdoorspersonship

I've never been what you would call an "outdoorsy" person. I like being outside, but I've just never done much camping or hiking. When I think about it, I'm not sure why. Roommate and I are going to Arizona for spring break, and are plotting a trip up to the Grand Canyon and Sedona. I've been looking for things to do when we're there, and photos combined with a general dissatisfaction with this blasted New England weather has me thinking for the first time in a while that spending an extended period of time outside definitely has its benefits. There's even a possibility that I might have a new toy to take photos with. And taking pictures from inside a car is highly overrated.

Negative income, positive outlook

I'm playing in a concert this weekend with a group of people who are mostly already acquaintances of mine. The concert is entirely French baroque, which, as you may or not know, is my favorite kind. A surprising number of friends, including a few I didn't think would be all that interested are coming out to hear it, and although we've had rehearsals every night this week, I'm looking forward to the concert. The mid-week rehearsal is always an interesting phenomenon. Occasionally, they get canceled because things are going to swimmingly, but more often they are the energetic low point and general stress-fest that you would expect them to be. Last night's rehearsal was no exception. There were battles of wills, and what was, to me, a surprising sense of lethargy or even apathy. I'm sure it's complicated, as such things always are, and it may have as much to do with how much sleep any given person got the night before, or what kind of a day they had. But for me, I am realizing more and more what a joy playing baroque music is, and how glad I am that I decided to pursue it. There were a couple of times last night when I almost couldn't contain my exasperation. I wanted to say, "hold the phone here. You guys are all intelligent people who could be doing anything you wanted with your lives. You could be doctors, or designers, or sales managers, or lawyers, or god only knows what, but you've chosen to do something that is hard, pretty thankless, and will likely never pay your bills. If you don't enjoy doing it, even this nitty-gritty detail stuff, why are you here!" But of course I didn't say that. I slogged through the rehearsal like everyone else, enjoying the music as much as I could. Tonight is a dress rehearsal, and so people will be a little more keyed up for the performance. At least I hope so. Because it's only a fun profession when it's not seen as a job but a choice.

PSA

Dear Readers,
I don't put any real restrictions on who can or can't read this blog. Mostly, this is because I figure that I don't post anything that is particularly personal or sensitive. Or even, really, all that interesting, particularly if you don't know me. If you've stumbled upon my random thoughts, welcome. Poke around, even introduce yourself if you feel so inclined. But if I don't know you, and you post comments like "more indentation please," I will remove them. That's just weird, and not particularly respectful, though I do acknowledge the use of the Magic Word. If the person who posted that is actually someone I know, my apologies. Friends reserve the right to critique my writing. Random people, sorry but you don't.

I need more Obies in my life

I don't know this guy, but I'd like to. If anyone knows him, please tell him I love this.

we are oberlin. the final frontier

A Glimpse into the Mind of a Music Student

Back to Boston, and back to work for what should have been the last semester of my program at BU, but will in actuality be the second last. It was a good Christmas and New Year, with plenty of time to see friends and family, and huge amounts of eating. Dad and I went out for what will probably be our yearly nice dinner on "Mom day," and while the food was less than awesome, and while he and I don't really talk about mom much, it's still nice to so something special and (theoretically) eat good food. We more than made up for it in an excellent seafood stew that dad made for Christmas (feast of five fishes rather than seven, but hey, we tried!). E and I drove back to Boston together, and it was nice to have a chance to catch up. She stayed for about a week, and then headed back to Cleveland and Michigan. Since she left, I haven't been doing much. A good friend from Oberlin came to visit last week, and in the process introduced me to his brother who lives about five blocks from me. It's times like these that the world smacks you over the head with how small it is and how interrelated we are. Corny, maybe, but true. When I don't have a schedule to keep, my body/mind shift to a "sleep at 2 or 3am, get up at 11 or 12" plan, which suits me just fine as long as there's nothing I have to do. Sadly, now it's time to start getting back into a more normal routine since class starts next week. The last few days have been spent reviewing lots of 20th Century theory, in hopes that retaking the placement exam on Tuesday will get me out of a class that is almost exactly the same as a class I took, and excelled in, at Oberlin. I loved all of that stuff at the time, it's just that at this point that time was nearly four years ago. Damn that makes me feel old. It feels good to get back into some of the more concrete aspects of being a musician, though this work means that the planning and research for my thesis is getting put off a week or so longer. A couple of performances are coming up in the next couple of months, including a concert in February that I have high hopes will perhaps convince certain circles in Boston that I can actually play the cello. I was not prepared for being pigeonholed here as an academic, in an environment that was supposed to allow me to be both a performer and a researcher. Especially considering the discovery of how little I actually want to be an academic, I've found it increasingly frustrating that I am obviously not on the shortlist of performers, even among people I know. For all that Boston was reported to be "a great place to be an early musician," I am finding that I would probably be better off somewhere else in that respect as well. I have no real ill feelings toward the people I've worked with, for instance I know it's no one's fault that I'm expensive to bring to Florida with my instrument hence not being called back there, and I know it's no one's fault that I just don't get called for gigs. It's just very frustrating to know that while I may not be the very best, I AM a pretty darn good musician, yet I am not seen as one here. Whether in Boston or anywhere else, this will be a problem I need to solve if I am ever going to have hopes of being a professional for the rest of my life. For now, though, I'll focus on the questionably useful hexachordal combinatoriality and twelve-tone analysis necessary to get me out of a repeat semester of theory, and we'll go from there.