On Cowbells

I play Rock Band. A lot. It's fun, I enjoy it, it's a good way to see my friends, and on some level, I feel as though it engages musical parts of my mind in a similar way to practicing. Yes, it's clearly not practicing. But even though it may be a different system of notation, my mind is still thinking about music, how notes relate to time, how notes relate to each other, and how notes relate to which fingers move at any given time. I figure it's a better way to spend my free time than 1) knitting (don't hurt me, I still love knitting!) which at this point just makes my hands cramp up so it hurts to play cello later, 2) thwapping my head against the enormous stack of reading I have to do every week, or 3) sitting at my computer waiting for the internet to entertain me. It is NOT a better use of my time than 1) sleeping, 2) reading non-school related books, or 3) going to the gym. Sadly, it does tend to take the place of the latter three, although, as in all things, I am currently working on balance. Speaking of balance, a friend today asked me, "if you could be anywhere, doing anything you wanted (and get paid for it so you didn't have to worry about money), where would it be, and what would you do?" I have no real answer for this question, and I never have. I think that's clearly part of the problem with my life. I don't want to be somewhere, I want to be somewhen. And that's not really a healthy way to live one's life, I suppose. But frankly, there have been times in my life when I have been the happiest I feel I'll ever be, and it's hard to look to an unknown future, when the known past is pleasantly behind you. I'm here at school, and it's busy as hell, and it's driving me bat shit insane, but I don't hate it here. I love what I'm learning, and love the music I'm playing (though not how poorly I'm playing it, but that's another blog post). I'd like to be able to worry about money less, but on the whole, being in Boston is OK. I can't think of anything at the moment I'd rather be doing, other than maybe spreading this program out over a slightly longer period of time for my own sanity. But at the same time, I feel like I'm not really getting anywhere. It's a strange thing, to be simultaneously content with where one is, yet still wish one were elsewhere. Or elsewhen. (Don't Fear) The Reaper is one of the good songs on Rock Band, although it has of course been colored for better or worse in later years by Christopher Walken et al. A response to Stiney's status message ("MORE COWBELL!!") led, through simultaneous discussion with three different people, to "less cowbell," "static cowbell?" "frantic cowbell?" and finally to the idea of "frantic stasis" which I feel sums of my life uncomfortably well. Frantic, but static. Hm. Characteristically, my conversation with Stiney went thusly:Stiney: Frantic, static, make up your mind!me: frantically staticStiney: You need more cowbellme: i like the idea of frantic stasisStiney: o o o o o o o o o o ome: i think that sums up my existence at the momentStiney: There, those are your cowbells, hit them!

Maybe the solution really is that simple. Just hit the cowbells.